Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
