dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
barbara walters just said penis...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
