how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
