i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
