I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
