he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
