I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
