I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
love makes seman taste better
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
