bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
