I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
