Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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