she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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