Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
