Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
