Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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