im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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