No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
