i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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