dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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