why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
