Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
