I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
