Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
