Ketchup is God's man juice
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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