oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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