Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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