My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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