I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
