I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
