I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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