How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
