Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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