Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
