Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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