Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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