my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
