first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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