My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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