hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
