It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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