god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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