textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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