I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Randomize
