I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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