I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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