if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
