I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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