Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
