i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
