normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
