the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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