why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
