We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
